My Little Hummingbird

I love hummingbirds. I have a hummingbird feeder right outside my front door and front window in the kitchen so I can watch the hummingbirds gather. There are four spigots at my feeder and though very rare, I have had four at one time suckling at the nectar I religiously place in there. I can quietly sit on my front steps and be buzzed continuously through a summer afternoon as the hummingbirds swoop in and out to the feeder. I learned to love the hummingbirds from watching them at my aunt (Auntie’s) house where she had a couple feeders set up along her roof line. She had faithful hummingbirds, so you would never be surprised to see them.

So I thought I would try my hand at them. At first, the hummingbirds didn’t know they had a diner set up on the farm and so had to wait for my flowers to bloom. Now they know that I am there for them. Once they caught on that I was ready to offer them a free lunch and I had put up a feeder for them, they came. Slowly, but surely, they came. They have never failed to disappoint me either.

I received the call from the nursing home around 1:30 a.m. last Thursday morning (4/15/10) that Auntie was in distress and that I had better hurry in case it was time. I called our pastor just after daybreak and he came an hour later to give her last rites. He stayed a good portion of the morning, but she didn’t waver. I stayed as long as I could by her bedside. First, on Thursday I was there from 2:00 a.m. until 9:00 that night. I returned the next morning at 5:00 a.m. and stayed until late that night. She held on even though the nurses weren’t sure she would. She has surprised us before so it didn’t come as a total surprise to me. I just wasn’t sure how she had the strength to hold on and wasn’t quite sure what, if anything, she might be waiting for.

Our anniversary was Saturday, so I took my dog, Pongo, over to visit Auntie in the morning in case we had some time to go out for lunch. I thought maybe she would like that. When we entered the room, Pongo began to whimper. I set him down on the bed and he whimpered more. Auntie began to utter little moans. We hadn’t heard a peep out of her since Wednesday night. I rubbed her forehead and talked to her. Pongo just sat there keeping watch over her.

I know why Pongo was whimpering. He wanted her to get up and get him some warmed-up ice cream. Whenever we went to visit her, he would get excited the minute we drove in the driveway. He would jump all over me trying to get out the door. Good thing he is only 7 pounds! As soon as I opened the door, he would bound out and run into the yard, quickly marking his spots like any good dog would do, and then head to the front door. He would stand there waiting for her to answer the door or for me to open it and he would run inside and do a little dance around her feet. After giving him a good rubdown and a few good pets and, more sooner than later, she would head to the freezer and take out the ice cream. Auntie would place a couple small scoops into a bowl, microwave it for a few second to take the hardness away and to slightly warm it up and then set it on the floor for him. All the time, Pongo would be doing a “happy dance” at her feet in anticipation. Once he had satisfied his ice cream fetish, he would jump up into her lap for a scratching and petting marathon from Auntie. He would be content.

Sometimes if it was nice outside, we would go out to sit on the front porch and Auntie would take Pongo’s ice cream outside. His lapping-up-of-the-ice-cream would only be interrupted momentarily by a few quick barks if he would get buzzed by the hummingbirds. They were quite a bit up in the air at Auntie’s but even there they were daredevils taking a dive-bombing effort to spook off any that dare invade their territory.

Maybe that is why I love the hummingbirds so. They are tiny little birds who dare to tempt fate and put themselves out there for someone to snatch up quickly, but yet they are sly and know that if it is not their time, their speed will carry them through.

As Auntie’s condition worsened and she shriveled up to nothing at all, I had grown to begin calling her “my little hummingbird.” She liked that because as I said, she loved hummingbirds just as much.

Sunday morning came and I got up early and thought I would try to get a few things done around the house first and then head over to see Auntie in the morning for a while and then come back later in the afternoon again. I went into a series of two lows that morning so I decided I had better not go over until after lunch. I did some laundry and was ready to wash the kitchen floor (which I have to admit I had not done since Easter as I had been at the nursing home so much with Auntie). Taking out the floor cleaner under the sink I found my hummingbird nectar concentrate. I thought it was time to put this out and it shouldn’t freeze because, feeling a little selfish, I really wanted to see my little hummingbirds. I filled the feeder and no later than an hour later I saw two. They had been waiting for me. I felt like maybe I had neglected them, but I was yet satisfied because they had come home again.

Less than an hour later around noon, while we had just started lunch, I got the call from the nursing home, that Auntie was once again showing signs. I told them I would be right over and quickly grabbed just a little lunch and headed out.

Throughout the afternoon I sat with some of my family while we watched as her breathing deteriorated and her color began to show signs of jaundice. My mom and two sisters and their kids left and I promised I would head out soon. I sat there for awhile talking to Auntie and rubbing her forehead. Little moans were all I got but they were not very often.

I went to tell the nurses that I was going to leave for a couple hours, as I knew I needed to go home to get something to eat. I could feel a low coming on. When I returned to the room, her color had changed to a light grey. I decided I had better stay for a while longer, so I went out to the car and grabbed the Sunday newspaper and a couple magazines and my book. Lately, it has been a little hard to concentrate lately so I was not sure what I would read.

I went back into the room and hunkered down, beginning to feel the signs of a low coming on. Pat, one of the nurses and the one in charge of Auntie that night until 9:00, stopped by to check in on her. She sat down and we talked. She could tell I was beginning to shake, said she knew I was diabetic and that we had better head to the kitchen to get something for me before it got any worse. I thought I could stay for a little bit and then head back home before it got worse. I guess not; I got caught and the patient’s visitor just became the patient. Pat came back with me and we sat and talked a little about Auntie. She kept checking her and I could see signs that she was going, but she had held on so long before, and Pat agreed that maybe I should go home for a little bit.

I left and less than 15 minutes later pulled into the driveway. I ran into the house, set my phone on the counter and hollered for Pongo to let him out to go potty. By the time I came back into the kitchen, there was a voice message and a missed call on my phone. The nursing home. I quickly called back only to be told that Pat had gone in to check on her shortly after I left and she was gone. My little hummingbird, she was gone. I couldn’t help to think that if only I had stuck around for just a few more minutes, I would have been there for her, with her. The nurse reassured me that maybe she was just waiting for me to leave.

I drove back quickly to the nursing home and picked up my sister, Marci, along the way. As we sat there and said our last goodbyes to Auntie, I couldn’t help but remember what happened that morning.

By filling their feeder, I had hung out my “shingle” to the hummingbirds, telling them it was time to come home. Maybe that was a sign Auntie saw, too – that it was time to go home.