I Did It My Way

I had my cousin Ron’s funeral yesterday. There are certain epiphany moments in everyone’s life – sometimes they are small and sometimes they are larger and life-changing. The small ones are like little hiccups, you see them or you feel them, you experience them, you digest them and then life goes on. You may come back to remember them every once in awhile and they might remind you of a time you had that little hiccup or maybe you can’t remember the hiccup but what you gained from it, you remembered. Others are large and so life-changing that you and others around you are affected.

I experienced a few yesterday that made me think more about it later in the day and today also. In the eulogy that I gave, I noted that “his obituary said it the best ‘Ron lived his life to the fullest and did it his way.’ As we all should. I really think that there should not be a moment in anyone’s life that they don’t live life to the fullest and to the best of their ability – to do it their way.” The last song that was sung, the last impressionable moment from that funeral, was “I Did It My Way.” Summed up in two words – how appropriate. The funny thing about it was as the song went on, I sat and watched the video progress through a series of photos of Ron and his family and friends and each beat and word of the song seemed to follow the pictures. Later in the day, his son Ronnie and I talked about that, too. It was almost to the point of being eerie, but fascinatingly astounding in the same breath. It was like it was meant to be.

There are things in this life that are meant to be. During this time here on Earth or whatever you believe will be as the “afterlife” I think there are some things that we all should do.

I feel you should do it your way. As long as you don’t hurt someone, doing it your way should make you feel proud, accomplished, self-satisfied.

You should also do at least one kind deed every day. It doesn’t need to be saving- someone’s-life-type of kind deed, but opening a door for someone, a kind gesture, a simple compliment. These all make us feel good and they have a tumbling effect so that you create a pay-it-forward unstoppable tidal wave more than anyone else can imagine. Consider if you pay a compliment to someone who looks like they are having a bad day. You have changed that person’s demeanor, if not at least for one tiny moment, but maybe for the rest of their day. That person is more apt to do the same during their day to another because their mood has changed through the the revelation of one good deed. You are not becoming a saint – you are showing the world, and more important, yourself, that life is good and you want to experience more good than bad, and you want that for everyone else you come in contact with.

I think you should also reveal at least one thing about yourself to the person(s) you love at the minimum of or the most of once a week. This does not need to be anything earth-shattering, but maybe more simple. People tend to hear things that may seem so minute in a conversation, but tuck it into the inner sanctums of their mind and then pull it out of the hat later. A simple, I hate raspberries, or I like blueberries, or I like cotton sheets, or I like flannel sheets, or I would rather have a kiss in the morning, or I would rather have my space in the morning, to I love to watch the sun rise in the morning, or I would rather watch the sun set at night, to I would rather drink through a straw, or I like to sip my drink. These are not revelations that leave your soul naked for everyone to see. They are just simple insights into the person that you are. But they provide others with the insights that make them know you better.

Yesterday, at the luncheon, many people talked about Ron and his likes and dislikes. That is the way it is at most luncheons after a funeral. It gives the grieving a chance to reminisce and remember all that this person was made up of. It tends to be the beginning point of healing but also gives everyone else a chance to know one or two little things about that person that you did not know before.

Wouldn’t it be great if we all knew that more before a person passed on? The little introspects that we can have into another person’s being sometimes are so great that you never realize the full potential and impact that they can have.

I was asked to meet with the minister before the funeral started yesterday. I wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to review the content of my eulogy or what his intentions were. It did not take long, though, for me to understand the short encounter we had. Ronnie introduced us and we went up to the lectern where I would speak. Pastor Brad asked me if I was nervous, and I simply said, “no, not at the moment.” He asked me why and I told him that I had given other eulogies. So, he said, "you have known quite a few dead people." It was meant to be a simple comment to put me at ease and it worked. I told him I would not be nervous now, but the moment I stood at the lectern, I would begin to shake and the nerves would start to unravel. I also knew that once I took a moment to steady myself and after the first couple lines, I would come together because it wasn’t my duty to stand up there to speak to the grieving, but to stand up there to simply tell a story about someone I knew to his family and friends. I might be flustered on the first line or two but that would be only introductory, I would calm down then so I could deliver what I considered an honor to do. He said he fully understood, calling me by my name many times during our conversation. The technique that he was applying during our conversation is something that I have learned over the years. You engage a person that you want to remember by constantly saying their name during a one-, two- or three-minute conversation. By doing this, you remember their name. He applied it by using my name in referencing bits of my eulogy during his sermon later in the funeral.

It is something that during an introductory conversation with a new acquaintance you have unwittingly just made a difference in someone’s life. You have paid attention to them, you have acknowledged that you have remembered their name. And, it is a great memory tool to use for yourself. Just one more thing I believe everyone should do in life.

These are just some of the things I believe in because I think they do good on a personal level – for you and the ones you love, the ones you are communicating with, the strangers you just touched with a gesture of kindness. These are the unknowingly simple things to do in your life.


Everyone has their beliefs. I’m not talking religion here, but talking about their beliefs on what they want in their life, what they want to do or accomplish, what their goals are, how they want to ultimately live their life. And, how they want to be remembered.

Ultimately, it comes down to one modest decision which makes a statement in each person’s life. In the end, that each of us can say, I did it my way.